- If your partner is neurotic, you are less likely to be happy.
- If you’re altruistic and have family goals you are more likely to be happy.
- If you’re religious you are more likely to be happy.
- If you’re overweight, you are less likely to be happy…
- …Unless you’re a man, in which case you’re unlikely to care.
- Money can’t make you happy…!
- …But you’ll be unhappy if you earn less than £50,000.
- And finally, and this is a good one, if you’re in your late 30s and early 40s, you’re likely to be feeling stressed and depressed and lonely. You don’t see enough of your family and friends, if you have any, you work too hard and worry about redundancy. Something to look forward to then.
So what can we take from all this? Well, according to these surveys we’re all a little bit f*cked. Especially if you’re an aethiest 30 or 40-something who is overweight and overworked and skint and married to someone neurotic. Which sort of applies to most people I know.
But lets be positive for a second. What they also mean is we should all just chill out a bit about work and money and see our family and friends more in a face-to-face or over-the-phone way. Less texting more picnics. Work out a bit. Find religion or a good substitute (possibly grape-based). And avoid dating neurotic people. Unless you’re neurotic yourself, in which case find a partner who is unfeasibly happy or stupidly oblivious. And lets all stop worrying about sodding happiness surveys telling us how miserable we are…:)