A London girl’s guide to getting hitched

So, The Chef and I got hitched just over a month ago - hurrah – and, while I slowly sink back to earth, catch up on sleep, and enjoy being able to EAT and DRINK again, I thought I’d write down some stuff I learned along the way *:

1. The dress – there’s nothing like wedding dress shopping to drop a giant big turd on your “special day”. They tell you you need 6 months to order your dress, then say they haven’t got any free appointments for 2 months, and sometimes even say you have to pay £20 for the privilege. Some make you take off your shoes at the door, wear gloves and rush you to be in and out in an hour. Importantly, there is far too little champers handed out (big up to Mirror Mirror and Teokath for bucking this trend). Fact is, unless you get it made, buy it second hand or go vintage, you’ll pay an average of £2,000 for your dress and the alteration process is a nightmare that goes on for hours. The upside is that if you pick the right one, you’ll feel incredible on the day, and its a great lesson in what suits you so I found my wardrobe also improved. These are the dress shops that I think are worth going to:

• Teokath in Wimbledon – where I got my lovely Lusan Mandongus dress. They have a great selection of dresses, are friendly, have a lovely dress fitter who will patentiently address all your concerns (pull it in! more! shit I can’t breathe!), and you can also buy jewellery there.
• Jenny Packham in Pimlico – hard to get an appointment, but gorgeous beaded 1920s Great Gatsby style dresses. Best suited to tall skinny people though.
• Mirror Mirror and Morgan Davies in Islington for great selection of dresses, although at Morgan Davies you have to pay £20 for appointments.
• Alice Temperley in Notting Hill – amazingly different, electic dresses, perfect for the actresses and extroverts amongst you. Lovely room to try on stuff and great to try something different.
• Suzanne Neville in Knightsbridge – lovely dresses and lovely staff although I was slightly put off by their posters of Danielle Lineker that adorn the walls.
• While I’m at it, Bridal Rogue Gallery on Chiltern Street has an amazing selection of shoes and jewellery, and borrow the veil from a friend (sooo expensive).

2. Self-preservation, head fuckwittage and general wellbeing -while getting married was the happiest day of my life, and I am absolutely loving being a newlywed, I put my hands up and say not only it is bloody stressful, for me the pre-wedding preparations was a time when I needed to work at staying happy. I remember when I was single I got annoyed at my engaged friends moaning, thinking you should be happy – I’m having to go to Tiger Tiger this Saturday and you’re sticking me on the single table! And I too found that when I moaned about the pressure, I had people saying I should be happy and why was I sweating the small stuff, which I found pretty unhelpful.

But I now know (and sorry to my married freinds who I was unsympathetic to before!) that weddings bring to the fore issues of self-esteem, highlight family problems, make you miss people who can’t be there, shine the spotlight on friendships, showing who you can count on and who are always too busy.

And, more than that, the fact that you have now got what you’ve always wanted, have all this attention on you, is a little overwhelming and sometimes, there is a tiny little voice that says

why me? how could I be this lucky? I don’t deserve this happiness!

…and you have to organise lots, and think about things you don’t normally give a crap about like flowers and hairstyles and ribbons and napkins and garters.

And you suddenly feel bad about all your married friends who you were a bitch to when you were single and unhappy, acting with indifference to husbands and children, getting horrifically drunk at weddings and snogging the best man. It made me feel guilty that they were all so lovely to me and didn’t hold my previous bad behaviour and impatience against me (apart from one – who pointed out when I emailed accomodation details 4 months before that I RIPPED brides apart for doing this at previous weddings).

And you don’t sleep brilliantly and you are dieting, and you might get cold sores or excema, and start being a fucking bitch to your husband-to-be, and then you worry he might not marry you after all and then…. Argh!

After a recommendation from a friend,  who commented very kindly on how ragged I was looking, I became a walking pharmacy of things-that-help. This stuff calmed me down and zenned me out, so much so that I was surprisingly cool and calm on the big day:

• A sleepy time dream pillow spray of lavender
• Valerian herbal anti-anxiety tablets (I had one called Quiet Life that was amazing)
• Herbal sleeping pills (I used Nytol)
• Buy bottles of Bach Rescue remedy for work, in your handbag, in your car, at home. Use frequently, especially when he says “but there isn’t anything to do!“.
• Vitamin B complex helps with stress and energy and cold sores.
• I’m not ashamed to say that due to my erratic behaviour and feeling a bit overwhelmed I had a “maintenance” session with my amazing counsellor (email me for deets) – she made me realise what was upsetting me and why I was finding things difficult because I just didn’t t hink I deserved all this wonderful stuff happening to me. She made me realise I did deserve it – I’ve worked so hard on my faults, on my happiness, on this blog, on relationships and life and family. I’ve worked bloody hard and I do deserve it. I deserve The Chef – he’s my reward somehow. And I am lucky, I won’t forget that.

3. Grooming. I found it stressful thinking I had to be the thinnest I’d ever been, the most beautiful. And what if you wake up with spots? Or excema? Or a cold sore? My friend pointed out that a bride’s beauty comes from within, from the fact that she is so happy she’s glowing, and on the day itself I was in this smiley bubble all day, but we all need a little help so here’s where I went:

• Linda Meredith in Knightsbridge does amazing facials and oxygen facials where they push oxygen into your skin. Made me glow for about a week. Not cheap (£100 for a facial and £100 for the oxygen thing) but I got a voucher from Keynoir at half the price.
• Lorraine at Expressions gave me a set of amazingly natural-looking eyelash extensions (to avoid the Sam from TOWIE look, just ask for a lash on every 2nd or 3rd lash and volume rather than length) which looked amazing on the big day and meant I didn’t have to wear any make-up for the week before and for almost 3 weeks afterwards so perfect for honeymoon. She works from her rather hard-to-find flat in Hammersmith but its well worth going.
• Michael Becman who works at Space NK in Edinburgh did my hair and make-up – we kept it very light and natural, and as I was getting married outside in a garden, we put flowers and pearls in my hair. Mikee’s not only a great make-up artist, he is hilarious and kept us all laughing on the big day.

4. The cake. Oh my look at that beauty above. We utterly lucked out with the cake. I found cake shopping quite disappointing, the fact that a simple, boring-looking, traditional three-tiered cake costs minimum £300 and often didn’t taste or look that great. And then through twitter we met Lisa Brunton-Stocks (@harbourhussy), who is mad about cakes, and actually, pretty mad full stop. She drove all the way from Aberdeen to Edinburgh to let us taste her cakes which were incredible, and for the first time I got excited about what a wedding cake could be. She was amazingly inspired and creative and spent ages getting it perfect – sending me pictures of edible pearls and meringue to match my dress, matching the decoration to the lace on my dress and my bouquet. It was a jaw dropping cake and amazingly delicious. And on the way to honeymoon, I read this blog her friend wrote about the work that went into it: http://willtravelforcake.wordpress.com/2012/04/08/an-epic-wedding-cake/. If you can’t find your own Lisa, then I reckon M&S has some brilliant, unique cakes at good prices (check out this upside down white choc version).

5. The photographer. We used Paul Raeburn who took these amazing photos. We hated posed photos and interminable group shots that last for hours and he was perfect. Really artistic photos in a journalist style capturing amazing moments – The Chef kissing my forehead during the service, my sister crying and waving as she said goodbye before I walked down the aisle, my bridesmaid pouring her drink into my glass as I was “thirsty”. We wanted to spend the day enjoying ourselves and being with our friends so he was the perfect photographer.

6. The wedding. As neither of us is particularly religious, and we wanted to marry somewhere unusual and unique, and not particularly traditional, we had a Humanist ceremony under giant redwood trees in the Royal Botanic Gardens in Edinburgh. Being in Scotland, it rained a bit, but I loved the freedom of us all huddled together under these trees and we loved the Humanist ceremony where our celebrant talked about how we met, what we loved about each other, and about how much we loved our friends and family. We sang Happy Together by the Turtles, had a piper playing me down the aisle, and my friends read a poem they’d written. It was moving, emotional, funny and we loved it. We then ate haggis, neeps and tatties, ended with deep fried Mars Bar with an Irn-Bru chaser and ceilidhed the night away. Humanist ceremonies aren’t legal in England sadly but we’re hoping this will change as its a fantastic alternative to a registry office ceremony.

9. The extras that no-one really cares about but you bend over backwards to do anyway:

• The Chef was right – favours are indeed largely ignored so don’t spend much money (we got married at Easter so we gave everyone little bags filled with Easter eggs).
• One thing we did that everyone loved though was table names of our favourite restaurants and we told the story of the time we went there.
• We didn’t have an order of service as the ceremony was so special we wanted people to be engaged and surprised all the way through, and stop people flicking through to see what was next and when they could get a drink. We did get amazing creative invitations through Nirvana CPH - we did the invite in the guise of a menu and they looked amazing.

* for another point of view, you might also want to read my thoughts on being single in London.

An update from the HPL

It’s been a few months since I’ve written the blog and quite a lot has happened in that time. It seems like a good time to update you so here goes, deep breaths!

On my birthday in Brockwell Park a couple of months ago, The Chef asked me to marry him, and I said yes. This was followed by excitement and champagne and a rush of wedding organisation as our chosen venue (the Botanics in my hometown of Edinburgh) only had one date left for 2012 which made us move quite fast. The reaction of our friends and families was completely brilliant – we felt very loved, and as if everyone thought we were a great couple and were really happy for us.

This was then followed, I now admit, by a period of what might only be described as mild panic. Not about the wedding – I’m remarkably chilled about all that, dare I say it I’ve found it quite fun so far; nor about The Chef who is completely (mostly) perfect in every single way and with whom I share a passionate love of words, The Killing, musicals, Deacon Blue and anything edible that makes you put on weight – but about the fact that I’m finally growing up (at 34, late starter), starting a family of my own, settling down. There’s also the panic of this is it, forever! What a gamble! How scary! But then I think this is balanced by the stability it brings, which is wonderful – you have someone to support you emotionally and financially, a real team, even by law. You can’t walk away easily, you have try to be nice and supportive at all times, it’s not just me on my own against the world. And for me, a bit of a loner at times, that is a scary but exciting thing.

I’m back to bliss again – looking forward wildly to the wedding and entering a phase which I can foresee is likely to become highly irritating to others. Of course, I think our wedding is going to be the best party known to man ever in the world, and I want everyone to be where I want them and when. I’m gutted when someone can’t make it or suggests they won’t stay long, or will be giving birth shortly before or after or in one case, during. I love talking about the wedding, the cake, the flowers, the food, and I’m only just managing to stop before it gets inutterably dull.

For those who are interested in such things, I have a gorgeous sparkly ring, a lovely dress, and our wedding theme is Braveheart meets Mrs DoubtFire with the wedding scene from Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves – it’s all haggis and tartan and thistles and man-skirts and whisky and The Proclaimers. As The Chef put it, it’s sort of like a wedding that an American couple would plan if their great-great-grandfather claimed to be from Dundee.

So that, dear friends, is my news. Is finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with the key to happiness? Not really no, the ups and downs remain, but it’s different now, I’m different, it’s not just me, it’s us. And that’s a very happy prospect.

My article in the Telegraph about the London riots & why we need to be positive

Like you, I’ve been shocked, saddened and baffled by the London riots which have demolished whole areas of London, including parts of Brixton where I live. My thoughts about it have swung wildly from anger to intellectualising to worry about the future, but the recent clean ups and stories of communities pulling together have reignited my positivity so much so that I feel proud to be a Londoner again.

Here’s a link to  my article, and I hope you all stay safe and well:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/europe/uk/london/8693172/London-riots-its-time-for-positive-action-over-public-apathy.html

Told you it wouldn’t last long…

Thought you might like this article I wrote which was published in the Telegraph today about the London Olympics which starts exactly a year today. I hope you like it!

Interview with the HPL on Qype London

You might be interested in this little interview  I did for Qype London where I talk about what this blog’s all about, how original the name is, and other stuff about steel drums, pork belly, my favourite places in London, and how much I love Brockwell Park. Thanks to Sarah Drinkwater and the team at Qype London for thinking of me!

My interview for the Slow Guide to London – “Happy Birthday happiness”

Coinciding nicely with the HPL’s 1st birthday is this little interview I did for Hayley Cull (who I also interviewed here) and the Slow Guide to London (which I reviewed here – massive overlap with this blog).

You can read my interview here. In it, I talk about what makes me happy, what I do to cheer myself up, what I love about Brixton, and seem to spend a disproportionate amount of time talking about going to the pub and drinking wine.

Happy 1st birthday to the HPL!

Thank you to my gorgeous friend Giavanna who baked – baked! – this cake herself and for the candle and accompanying red wine

Dear readers,

The HPL is very happy because we are 1 year old today. Yes, on 15 October 2009 I began this blog with a fairly crap post imaginately entitled “Hello London” and the rest is history.

So what has happened in this year and how has my life changed by following the HPL rules?

Well, its been a tough year. A very sad break-up (which, with his blessing, I will write about in due course), moving jobs and losing good friends to the land of marriage and babies and life outside London. I have written about the confusion I’ve felt as an unmarried 30-something in my post about The Free Decade and how rubbish it is to read articles about our dimishing fertility here.

But its also been a really positive year. I have started appreciating the beauty of London’s architecture and parks. I’ve started liking Londoners a lot more, and can hardly believe all the fun and interesting things to do and places to go right on my doorstep. I’m definitely making the most of life here now, getting more into films and music especially. I know myself better. My relationships with my friends have improved and I appreciate them more I think, I call people more rather than texting and I’m closer to my mum than I have ever been *waves*. I think I’m a bit kinder. And things have happened recently which have made me excited about what lies ahead for me in the future.

I decided early on to write with a certain persona – to only write upbeat, enthusiastic and positive articles which would try to inspire and encourage. Those that know me know that I’m actually a grumpy cynic at times, but forcing myself not to criticise and to concentrate on the positive has defintiely rubbed off on the way I see life. The process of writing has also given me confidence - as a shy extrovert it has allowed me to express myself and stop caring so much what people think. And I think I’m finally growing up - I enjoy my job and am finally happy for my life to slow down a little.

And I seriously have gained 5 pounds since I started – all that eating out and burgers and trying new restos had to go somewhere. I don’t really mind though (am channelling Joan in Mad Men).

An unexpected pleasure in all this is that I’m really enjoying being part of London’s blogging community *waves*. From the start, I had encouraging words from Luiz from The London Foodie, Krista from Londonelicious, Matt from How To Get A Grip and Jason Cobb from the Onionbagblog. And since, I have developed virtual friendships with other bloggers and readers like Stephanie Sadler from the Little London Observationist, Steve Slack, Alex Moore from Rosa’s and Hayley Cull from Slow London. And I have made real-life friendships too – Caroline from Caroline No, Uyen from Fernandez & Leluu and Ute from Hungry in London. I have really enjoyed meeting these funny, feisty and eloquent women for food and gossip and its great to find people with so much in common.

And my stats (I know bloggers love stats)? Well, in my first month I had 732 hits (mostly my mother) and last month I got just under 10,000 hits which I think is pretty good in my first year. I have 82 email subscribers *waves* but then I ALWAYS seem to go back to 79 so not sure who I’m annoying and why. They are mostly women which reflects what I write, but I’m hoping to have some manly guest posts from men in the next year. I have 343 fans on the Facebook page and796 people follow me on twitter. At times, the fact that ANYONE reads this blog, let alone people I’ve never even MET, scares me a little. And sometimes I feel pressure to post stuff when I don’t feel particularly upbeat. But for me the key is to write the blog as if its still only my mother who reads it, be true to myself and not try to impress anyone. And develop a slightly thicker skin when I lose a follower or a fan.

So, if you’re still reading, thank you very much for doing so and I hope at times this blog has inspired you to try something new, or think about happiness a bit, or appreciate London a little more. I’ve noticed that my friends have become a little influenced by the blog – they’ve been trying new places and reporting back – so I hope the love has spread your way a little bit too.

Thanks for sticking with me this year and I promise the terrible twos will be just as fun.

Sasha @ The Happiness Project London

PS. As a little birthday gift to you, I thought I’d reveal the “after” photo of the awesome cartwheel I did on that lovely beach. As you can see, appearances are deceptive. It was actually quite crap. Enjoy!

My guest post on the How To Get A Grip blog on “How To Be Happy”

Those who have read the HPL for a while, or who “like” us on the Facebook page will know that I love the blog How To Get A Grip for its straightforward advice on life, love, and why you should turn your TV off more.

So I was delighted to hear that Matt got a book deal. Both for the fact that he deserves it for his brilliant writing, and because he was so knackered by writing it that he invited me to do a guest post. So, I wrote a post on How To Be Happy and you can read it here. I really enjoyed writing it - for the discipline in summarising what this blog is all about, for inspiring me to follow my own advice, and for attempting to write in Matt’s no nonsense style.

I can’t wait to read the book when its out and in the meantime, I hope you enjoy my little post! I also reckon Matt has about a trillion more readers than I, so I’m looking forward to comments coming this way too – feel free guys x

Update on the HPL Rules

The HPL is currently having a rough old time of it. As ever, I’m finding the writing process cathartic – the writing of happy posts makes me happier and the writing of my recovery process is helping me recover. 

But in the meantime, while I feel so destabilised and unsettled, I’m finding it important to be positive and healthy and concentrate on what really matters. So I’m going back to the HPL rules and planning the next few months around them.  Here’s what I’m doing: 

1. Be active  

A few days ago, I went to the YMCA at lunchtime, did a 20 minute swim and a 5 minute sauna and was back at my desk within the hour. I left my office feeling stressed and angry (told you I’m unsettled) and came back feeling much happier and brighter and, lets face it, a little smug. I also revert to a child when I’m in a pool and love the feeling of being able to see under water. So, I’ve decided to swim once a week from now on. 

I love yoga, I miss yoga. Yoga is good for my body (honestly you should see the arms on the women in the class I used to go to!) and my soul. Its meditative and mindful and calming. But I just don’t seem to be finding time for it every week, so I’m going to go to yoga twice a month from now on. 

I love dancing but again am crap at going along. Tallulah keeps inviting me to the Frame 80s aerobics classes which sound great (they even had a “Glee” class) and I’d like to try the YMCA streetdance classes. So I’m going to do one dance class a month from now on. 

I’m also going to try to cycle more at weekends and possibly into work every day (although am a little scared – although the new cycle highways might make it easier and I just need to keep reading Pippalipa’s guest post on the joys of cycling).

2. Connect 

LOTS of girlie drinks and dinners in the diary this month, too many in fact. Sometimes I feel really in the mood to talk, and talk, and talk. I could talk all night. But I think that’s OK and I know it won’t last forever.

One thing I’ve discovered is the power of the teary telephone call to friends. When I used to get upset, I’d retreat into my own shell – like a cat licking its wounds – and deal with problems alone. But that is exactly the time you should call a friend – cry down the phone, and say how awful you are feeling. A problem shared is a problem halved, its good to talk, and more clichés like that. I can’t believe I’ve only realised this recently.

3. Nurture

 I’m buying a bird-table because I want to coax a robin red breast or similar to my Brixton garden. I want a Pepe the Background Bird. Will report back.

I’m also doing some improvements on my little flat with the eventual aim of installing a dressing table, dishwasher (oh how my life would improve tenfold) and built-in wardrobe with extra shoe space. These things don’t need to be expensive and the process of nurturing the place you live in to make it even nicer to live in is as good as the final product. (Note – I think I need to turn the TV off a bit more in the evenings to find the time to do things like this).  

4. Give 

My volunteering for Age Concern has not kicked off yet as I couldn’t fit the induction round my work.

I made the playlist for my friend Lady B’s wedding.

Erm.

Hmmm Ok then, need to work on this a little more. Watch this space.

5. Learn 

I’m excited about this. I’ve booked my ticket to Argentina and have enrolled on a beginners Spanish class at International House! It was recommended by @loulalondon on twitter and it looks great – as well as classes they hold country-specific exhibitions and gigs. My Mexican slang learned from a couple of months on Zippolite beach will hopefully come in handy and I’ll let you know how I get on. 

Other plans for the summer are to see the Summer Exhibition at the Royal Academy, the Skin Exhibition and the Enchanted Palace at Kensington Palace. I also want to see a lecture at the School of Life. I think two things a month is fine.

6. Be curious 

The 1000 Awesome Things and The Little London Observationist blogs are great at reminding me to appreciate the small things and writing this blog allows me to think about life and happiness all the time. I’m planning to write a bit more on the psychology of happiness because I find it fascinating, and also a list of all the great things I like about London.

My interview for Dulwich OnView on how to be happy in South London

Well, I’m becoming quite the media darling – ha! I was asked to do an interview for Dulwich OnView on how to be happy in South London, and decided to base it around the 6 HPL rules :

1. Connect with others

2. Be Active

3. Nurture something

4. Learn

5. Be Curious

6. Give to others

I tried to include stuff in every category that I enjoy doing, but also things I plan to do in the future and which friends of mine enjoy (i.e. British Military Fitness, not my bag sadly!).  The published interview is here.

Its the first time I’ve written a guide on happiness, normally I just write about things I do myself, but I enjoyed the process of focusing my thoughts on each area and working out good ways to achieve each rule.  It might help me follow the HPL Rules a little better. Let me know what you think!